Honestly, I only saw your Twitter picture, and read some of your social media comments.

Now I finally found your email address!

Don't ask how.

You know how I am, and I need to tell you something: I've always loved you – but there's this small problem: frankly, you are plump and I need you to get skinny.

I know a product that has helped my friend to lose fat fast.

Dug up the link for you -- clicky-clicky.

Stop being fat, start being mine – and please answer ASAP.